Let there be light :)

There are memories which are so imprinted in your consciousness that it is difficult to ever imagine life without these moments. And Deepavali is surely one of them. Memories of celebrations have pretty much remained constant for the first twenty years of my life. A few packs of firecrackers would be purchased days before the festival, after much deliberation over noise levels and the light effects. I was never a fan of the noise...so crackers generally meant the tarachakaram (the one which revolves on the floor, dont know the Hindi name for it), kambi-mathaapu (the hand held sticks) and the bhusvanam (flower pots). Those would be exhausted on the eve and on the evening of Deepavali in a matter of half an hour much to the amusement of my neighbours and friends who would blow up a few thousand bucks on assorted bombs and rockets. As kids, my brother and I would be woken up at an insanely early hour and oil would be slapped on our heads. After attending to the phone calls carrying wishes from relatives, we would be marched to the bathroom with the oil all over our eyes. The only thing which would keep us going used be the thought of delicious food, new clothes and tasty sweets. And this was a tradition which my parents hung on to, wherever we lived. I guess it was a way for them to hold on to their culture, being so far away from their own native places, siblings and parents.
Last year, Diwali was at XL which meant it was time for dressing up, XL loot and clicking pics :) (we clicked a few hundred I think) And today, as I am truly away from comfort zones and Indian food, I wonder what Deepavali means to me. Is it the same without the disturbing sound of crackers the whole night? Without the smell of ghee wafting from my neighbour's, without my brother presiding over the TV remote, dad over the puja and mom over the kitchen, does the festival mean much? What is celebrations without friends wishing you happy diwali over innumerable SMSes and retail chains egging you to splurge? As I eat semi-cooked pasta (too lazy to make anything more meaningful), rummage through my wardrobe for anything Indian to wear (don't have any Indian clothes here!) and wonder what I will do tomorrow, I realise about how much I miss the familiarity - the rhythmic chants of the vedas and other hymns, the smell of newly bought clothes, the unbearable noise of crackers, the wannabe funny jokes on Diwali special TV shows, even the lighting of diyas at Nilima Acharji second floor last year...am terribly homesick and introspective this Deepavali.

P.S.: Am a big fan of Mudra Mehta ever since I was CL at NM and came across her entry for creative writing (a few years my junior). This post by her almost perfectly summarises my mood of the past few days:
"...
Why is it always easier to write, than to say? Easier to SMS, email, and IM than to talk face to face or over the phone and say, "I have a problem with you."Is sarcastic-droll-rude-online me, really me? An image that I can't possibly carry into real life because it's impossible to say some things to a face.Is emotional-insecure-me-in-person, too much of me? A reality I'd rather not have people figure out.Is it the fact that some things, said aloud, would sound downright stupid?Or is it just easier to communicate with a white window than to have to deal with facial expressions?It's easier to write an email to say you screwed up and you're sorry, right? Maybe because a delayed response means you don't have to deal with emotions in real-time? Or because you know, subconsciously, it will cause more havoc in your mind if your apology is not accepted?Is the web-interface an easier escape route? To run from difficult situations, hard things, anger, fear, frustration, nostalgia, love and friendship? To pretend nothing, you know, really matters.Does adding an "lol" at the end of a message make it seem a little less... intense? Is a smiley really the equivalent of an actual smile?What would make you happier - a heartfelt thank you online, or one in person?And what would hurt more - a friendship falling apart online, or in person?What's wrong with it if it is easier to tell someone - family, friends, anyone - how much they mean to you through the written word? As long as it's being expressed in some way.Are we scared of not being able to express things well enough in person? Or are we scared of expressing them only too well in non-verbal ways?Is vulnerability really that bad? Is nonchalance overrated?
..."
And the escapist that I am, I don't really want to answer any of those questions.